Alhamdulillah, we had our next Islamic Parenting class today attended by 16 mothers. It went really well mashaAllah where everyone shared their tips and experiences on how to help our children with memorizing the Qur’an. If you would like the handouts and the power point presentation from today’s session to be emailed to you please comment on this post with your email address inshaAllah. I will not stop in detail as I have posted previously here and here on hifdh.
We talked a lot about parenting through positive reinforcement today. I had a handout which summarizes ten reminders to be read each morning by parents, especially mothers who are quite busy tending to the needs of a number of children. I don’t remember where I got them originally. But I have got it printed and stuck to my fridge and read from time to time, to remind myself on positive and effective parenting. So, here goes the list.
- I am raising my child to be a successful khalifah of Allah, who will help create a truly Islamic World.
- Today I will try my best to know and understand all the influences upon my child’s development.
- Today I will try my best to help my child understand the power of negative influences to take him/her away from Allah, and the power of positive influences to take him/her to Allah.
- Today I will try my best to shield my child from the power of the negative influences.
- Today I will try my best to enhance/increase the power of the positive influences on my child to take him/her to Allah.
- Today I will try my best to notice some positive things my child does or says, and tell him/her how much those things are appreciated by me and by Allah.
- Today I will try my best to say nothing negative to my child. Even if I have to correct my child’s wrong behaviour I will try my best to find some positive way to do so.
- Today I will love my child unconditionally, but I will try my best to express that love at times which are most beneficial to my child.
- Today I will try my best to be an example of a good and right human being/Muslim for my child.
- Today I will pray for Allah’s help that I can be a good parent for my child.
How easy it sounds and how difficult to implement those things in our everyday life. For example, I really struggle to understand what motivates my 4.5 year old daughter to misbehave and I struggle to correct her wrongdoing in positive way.
How about you? Do you find you often discipline your child through negative reinforcement like commenting on their misbehaviour or wrongdoing? Do you resort to force or use physical punishment? Do we as parents put emphasis on achievement and show appreciation of their well behaviour often enough? When we keep commenting on their misbehaviour what becomes of their self-value? Do you worry that “naughty” or “troublemaker” or “loser” might become their self-perception?