Reflections on the self and habit-formation


I have been trying to research and learn more on disciplining and habit-formation lately. I have been trying to improve my relationship with my children, not that it is broken, but perphaps I might take it to the next level inshaAllah.

I’m trying to deal with some painful moments by staying calm and by listening to kids without reacting and by correcting them without overreacting. And subhanAllah, I find it so hard, so so hard. It is a constant struggle, a constant battle to keep improving one’s self. And I have a lot to improve. May Allah help us all mothers out there.

One of the things I wrote down in my notebook three weeks ago “Habit No. 1: Greet each child with a big smile and a hug in the morning. Gently ask ‘Did you sleep well’ and have some cuddly moment reciting morning dua together (Alhamdulillahiladhi ahyana ba3da ma amatana wa ilayhin nooshur)”. Even this small habit is taking me ages to stick to. On the days kids wake up too early or I am up all night with the baby, I come downstairs all grumpy. But need to keep working with patience, perseverance and supplication on forming this habit.

I should learn more about disciplining kids without spanking. As well as reading some great stories about manners and good actions, I often use the Islamic Concepts such as the angels Kiraman Katibin, the book of Illiyun, the reward of entering jannah etc. Often this works, Alhamdulillah. Only sometimes I am not patient enough… So in order to make disciplining easy, I am also trying to develop some good habits in the kids. But even to do that, my priority is to focus on myself. SubhanAllah, I have to reeducate myself and constantly strive for a better ‘myself’  in order to give kids ‘best’ tarbiyya I could. Like the old saying ‘Example is the best sermon’.

Some Habits to develop:

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A reminder from kids

Today at bedtime I read the story of Hud a.s to kids. As usual, Sumayya was asking me lots of questions throughout the story. These days she is asking more and more about the concept of death, what causes people to die and what happens afterwards etc.

When it was snowy about a month ago, we talked about how ice might cause car crash and people might get injured /die and therefore mommy needs to drive very very slow. We had this conversation in the car. Plus we have really old neighbour who is in and out of hospital and doctors predicting he will go away soon (we have been very close to this old couple, wife- Italian, husband- Ukraine). So, we talk about Stephanie and he might die soon etc. Sure they will miss him…

So, I am reading “Hud a.s was born in nothern Arabia” and she goes “O the prophet Muhammad a.s was born in Arabia too. So they were together”

-No, Hud a.s lived before Muhammad a.s. He died before Muhammad a.s was born

-oh he died because he was too old or because he was in car crash

-hmmm, he was old

-so all of us die when we are old

-yes we do. and Allah has a record of our good/bad deeds. So He calculates it on day of Qiyamah and if you have more good deeds He will give you jannah

-Will He give you jannah too?

-I don’t know. If I have more good deeds inshaAllah ….

-If I am in jannah and if you are not there then I will look for you….

SubhanAllah, when I try to explain things to kids, it’s such a powerful reminder to myself.

So I was reminded at bedtime that we are only here temporarily and our deeds are being calculated and our actions are being recorded and will be brought to us ONE day.